Made New - My Journey Over the Faith Line

This is me. A new me. A me I never thought I’d find. This is a version of myself that for a long time I didn’t think I deserved. I had felt lost and broken for some time. I saw myself as unworthy, and it affected everything in my life. October 7th, 2018 marked both a beginning and and end for me. An end to the internal struggle I felt from not knowing where to turn with my uncertainties, and the beginning of trust.

Like most college freshmen, I came to the University of Northern Iowa in the fall of 2016 feeling excited, scared, and very lost. Previously, I had had little exposure to church as it wasn’t something my family had ever participated in. My father had often read the Bible to me at home as a child, but church itself always seemed like a different world to me- one that I didn’t feel I belonged in. After being brought to Prairie Lakes Church by my roommate Holly DeSerano, my mindset quickly changed.

When Holly first brought me to church, things in the rest of my life were messy. I was unsure of where to go with my education, I was in a stressful relationship, and my family was falling apart at the seams. Holly continued to encourage me to come with her to church, even though plenty of times I had made excuses not to go. In my lowest time, she gave me a gift: my very own Bible. Inside she’d left a note explaining that it had been her plan to give it to me as a parting gift when we moved out of the dorm, but that she felt with everything I was going through that maybe I could use it sooner. She also left a list of uplifting Bible verses, which I immediately explored. I will always remember how it felt to read those words, and I often re-read her letter if I am feeling down. This was the first big push I felt to give more of myself to God.

Prairie Lakes became a home for me, and over the next two years I eagerly grew closer to God. Through this time, I attended a few services where the pastors conducted baptisms. While I was in awe and moved by these baptisms, I still felt a slight hesitation in my heart that I wasn’t deserving enough to be that close to God because of my own sins and the sins committed against me. After Pastor Chip gave a message in September entitled “No Matter What’s Been Done To You,” I felt a sense of safety and acceptance wash over me.

I remember that day, Chip asked everyone in the room to bow their heads and close their eyes. He then said that he knew there were people in the room who felt like they had nowhere to go, who felt like they didn’t have a place to call home. After this statement, he asked everyone in the room who felt that way to raise their hand. I rose my shaking hand above my head, terrified to admit to the world that I struggled with feeling so alone. As my hand raised to the air, I felt a sense of warmth spread from my fingertips to my chest, and instantly I burst into tears. It was as if He was saying, “I’m here.” With my hand still in their air, likely surrounded by others with their hands in their air just like me, Chip told us that we could have a home here at Prairie Lakes, and that God loved us. After many tears that day, the distance and uncertainty I had held between myself and God washed away. I went home and immediately signed up to be baptized.

At Prairie Lakes, they often speak about the concept of a “Faith Line” and “Stepping over the Faith Line.” To step over the faith line means to surrender oneself to God, and believe that Jesus died for our sins. For me, believing that Jesus died for our sins was never hard for me to understand. However, fully surrendering to God and accepting that I couldn’t get to heaven on my own was hard. I was in a mindset that I was in this alone, and on top of this, I struggled with a constant feeling of unworthiness. Going to Prairie Lakes taught me that God is kind and merciful, and even though I don’t deserve it, He loves me endlessly anyways. That September service was the moment I stepped over the faith line, and getting baptized was how I showed it.

A month later, my friends and family came together to experience this new step in my life. My church practices full immersion baptisms, meaning I was completely dunked underwater in a tub that was on the stage. My excitement grew as I watched others get baptized before me. When it was my turn, I stepped down into the tub and was overjoyed at how close my new life was to me. Coming out of the water was the most free feeling I have ever felt in my life, I truly felt made new. Afterward I bear-hugged Pastor Chip and my family, and I knew I had made the best decision in my life. Learning to let go and let God take over has done wonders for me. I have been able to build better, stronger relationships and live a much happier life. I continue to attend Prairie Lakes as often as I can so that I may keep learning and growing in my faith.

My father Brad, my sister Kendra, and my mother Je Rita all attended my baptism and gave me beautiful flowers.

Holly attended my baptism as well, and I thanked her for bringing me to Prarie Lakes a few years ago.

My best friend Echo also attended my baptism.